Class Action

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By Bill Maher

I remember, under George W. Bush, federal funding for public schools was tied to teaching abstinence-only sex education. It wasn’t based on teenagers’ actual behavior and how to make it as safe as possible; it was based on the preposterous notion that if you tell kids not to have sex and don’t show them how, they’ll just put it out of their minds and play Scrabble instead.

The Obama administration changed that. They recognized the reality of human nature and allowed schools to teach specifically about the reproductive system, how it works and how to have sex responsibly if you so choose. Teen pregnancies and the incidence of STDs didn’t spike as conservatives predicted. Armed with the facts, kids had fewer babies and safer sex.

But now I’m thinking we need a new kind of sex education altogether. Not just teaching kids what goes where and how to put a condom on, but a sex education that teaches males and females how to engage with one another, what’s appropriate in the courting process and how to interact respectfully and responsibly during the actual lead up to the sex act.

I keep reading about how idiot men are guilty of ignoring “nonverbal cues.”  Well, no one ever taught us about that. The best a 15-year-old boy (armed with no information about sexual relationship dynamics) can do is start pawing and pressing until he either gets slapped or blown. Tell us what’s up.  We might surprise you.