One Million Moms Demand Satisfaction

By Bill Maher

One Million Moms (and by implication, Jesus) just won an important victory over a dirty TV ad for athlete’s foot cream.

Here’s how the Moms describe the ad:

“The ad features a couple lying in bed when the husband accidently (sic) wakes his wife up while he appears to be pleasuring himself. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" as she pulls back the sheets. She then finds him using a long backscratcher to scratch an itch on his foot caused by athlete’s foot.

Although the husband is only scratching his foot, the implications are terrible. (emphasis mine) Lotrimin, owned by Bayer HealthCare, LLC, needs to know it is not alright (sic) to air commercials with offensive content, especially when children are likely watching… Please contact Lotrimin… and ask them to pull their current ad immediately!”

That’s right, Bayer, pull it. Pull it good. And that’s what Bayer did. They yanked the ad. When twisted prudes take on Big Pharma, we all win. 

Here’s the fun thing, though: The wife should have been happier that her husband was whacking off. Because Bayer is evil, and masturbating is good for you. Bayer (a former unit of I.G. Farben, the folks who manufactured the gas chamber poison used during the Holocaust) makes pesticides called neonicotinoids that were banned in Europe back in 2013 because, as Ed Begley Jr. recently mentioned on my show, they may be contributing to the disappearance of all the bees (Bayer denies this). Don’t worry; we still use them in America.

While, according to a new report from the American Urological Association. 

“Evidence, including from within the Health Professionals Follow-up Study, suggests high ejaculation frequency may be protective against future development of prostate cancer.” 

The company that makes Lotrimin has a bad history with Jews and bees. Masturbation prevents cancer. And One Million Moms are always wrong.