Canaries vs. Coal Mines

By Bill Maher

This is the most depressing thing of all this week: The new UN report on climate change says greenhouse gases are at the highest point in 800,000 years, that we're already enduring massive damage, and that we'll be even more screwed unless we reduce emissions to zero by the end of the century. Meanwhile, back at home, we replaced a bunch of climate hawks with a bunch of climate deniers. Bravo, America.

The report says climate change is "irreversible" and that the planet faces a future of extreme weather, rising sea levels and melting polar ice from soaring levels of carbon dioxide, methane and nitrous oxide. Happy holidays.

This comes on the heels of a Pentagon report saying the same thing, so the eggheads and the jarheads are on the same page. When is the rest of the country going to get hot and bothered about living in a world where we're always going to be hot and bothered? 

Secretary of State John Kerry called the report "another canary in the coalmine." America is at the point now where it needs to make a decision: Do we want coal mines or do we want canaries? I'm for canaries. But report after report after report on climate change says we can't have both.

Meanwhile climate change has sparked a civil war of sorts in Florida. Recently the city of South Miami adopted a resolution calling for Florida's 24 southern counties to secede and form a new state called South Florida.

You see, the average elevation in southern Florida is lower than it is in the north. South Florida officials feel that North Florida officials and the state's capital Tallahassee have failed to take action to fight climate change. The folks in South Florida don't want to lose their beaches to rising sea levels. In North Florida they don't care about rising sea levels, because that means more swamps and more reality TV shows about swamp people.