A Follow-Up to the Jesus Statue Blowjob

By Bill Maher

 It’s like I always say: “Don’t do Jesus in the face, unless you’re ready to do the time.” 

The case of the Pennsylvania teenager who humped Our Lord and Savior and put the photos on Facebook (our other lord and savior) has come to a close.  The 14-year-old has to stay off all social media for six months. (So MySpace is OK.) He has to do 350 hours of community service, which sounds weird for a ninth-grader. Like what, clean bedpans in the prison? He’ll have a 10 p.m. curfew. (Enforcing this is exactly what I want cops to do with taxes.) And he’ll be subject to random drug tests. Which is sort of insulting to Jesus, when you think about it. Like no one would have sex with him sober. 

“Would you let Jesus blow you?” 

“I dunno, dude. Maybe if I was really high.” 

If the teen completes all these tasks, the charges will be dismissed, and he shall be healed.