Live Free or Diet

By Bill Maher

Can't we all just agree now that government serves no good purpose and that anything the Obamas try to do for the welfare of this country is an offensive, socialist, freedom-sapping affront to all we hold holy?

Under the National School Lunch Program and the Michelle Obama-backed Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, participating public school lunches are now limited to 850 calories, feature whole wheat bread instead of white bread, offer low-fat or fat-free milk instead of whole milk and limit tater tot or French fry servings to three-quarters of a cup. And this has students and parents up in arms.

Nationwide, parents and kids are complaining that the food is yucky and there isn't enough of it. They want their unlimited servings of pizza and chocolate milk back. At a school board meeting in Harlan County, Kentucky, parents shouted that their kids were going hungry and one school board member said the food, "tastes like vomit." And then she threw herself on the floor and kicked and yammered until her mommy bought her some Cocoa Puffs.

Here are the facts: According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, kids 14-18 should take in somewhere between 1,800 and 3,200 calories per day. 850 calories for lunch -- certainly not the biggest meal of the day -- puts kids well within the range of one-third of their daily calorie intake. On top of that, under the National School Lunch Program, kids who are still hungry can have unlimited additional helpings of fruits or vegetables.

We have an obesity epidemic in this country where one out of every three kids is the size of a stackable washer-dryer combo. It seems reasonable, even responsible, for the government to say, "If you want federal funds for school lunches, you have to adhere to some minimum healthy standards." But parents and kids are clear: "We want our processed, artery-clogging shit back and we want it now!"

Yes, you have a God-given right to gorge your kids with calorie-laden poison that balloons both their bodies and our national healthcare tab, but is it too much to ask that you do that on your own time after school or on weekends? Does an arm of the government -- our public schools -- have a responsibility to fuel your kids' addiction to something that is killing them? 

Here's the kicker: Michelle Obama's education efforts are working. For the first time in decades, states are reporting that cases of childhood obesity are leveling off and even declining. An Obama initiative successful? Time to tie it to the debt ceiling and defund it.