Gold Is for Suckers

By Bill Maher

The price of gold dropped from $1,900 an ounce in 2011 to under $1,200 this past June. Why? The problem is, people only "invest" in gold when they're stupid or scared. And, for a while, the non-rube money was moving back into the market.

Humans, as a species, are attracted to gold. It just feels like stuff you'd want... its color, its brilliance, its divine heaviness. But it's a terrible investment, as Glenn Beck and his hick army have been learning for the last couple of months.

According to the Montreal Gazette, Jeremy Siegel, a big brain at the Wharton School, crunched the numbers and found that gold was a hedge against inflation. But it was a shitty hedge. It's just better than cash. If someone gave you a dollar in 1802, and you put it under a rock, it would be worth about 5 cents today. That is, it would buy what 5 cents would buy in 1802. If you used that dollar to buy gold in 1802, it would now be worth $4.50. But if you put it in the stock market in 1802, and kept it there, today you'd have $706,199. He doesn't break down what you'd have if you bought slaves.

Gold is a better bet than paper money, if you've got 200 years. Otherwise, you're just being played.