Creepy Uncle Sam

By Bill Maher

New Rule: That Creepy Uncle Sam giving gynecological and prostate exams is not a doctor and is not representative of Obamacare --  he actually works at the NSA.

Creepy Uncle Sam should be the mascot for the NSA because they're the ones up Americans' asses. We keep finding out that this metadata on US citizens being collected by the agency is more revealing than we know.

In science fiction movies, the government implants its citizens with an electronic chip or bar code to keep tabs on them. But now we all carry our own homing devices. They're called iPhones. Apparently phone and e-mail logs allow NSA analysts to paint a pretty good picture of who you are. They're able to identify a person's friends and associates, pinpoint where they were at a certain time, gather clues to political affiliations, and pick up sensitive information like regular calls to a shrink or extra-marital booty calls.

George Washington University law professor Orin S. Kerr, says, "Knowing things like the number someone just dialed or the location of the person's cell phone is going to allow them to assemble a picture of what someone is up to. It's the digital equivalent of tailing a suspect."

So if you get the feeling you're being watched, it's probably because you're being watched. And if you're planning on having an extra-marital affair, maybe you should invest in some homing pigeons.