By Bill Maher
Michael Savage thinks that what conservatives need is a "nationalist" party with a "charismatic" leader. Who has a little mustache. And loves his dog, Blondi.
Okay, maybe I made up the dog and the mustache, but in a recent interview, Michael Savage, one of the most popular right-wing radio hosts in the country, announced, "We need a nationalist party in the United States of America," which he defined as a party focused on "borders, language, and culture."
He went on to say the Tea Party has the rudiments of such a nationalist party, but it lacks a "charismatic mover of people."
So, to recap: What America needs is a charismatic leader of a nationalistic party focused on borders, language, and culture.
Hey, I know it sounds bad, but Michael Savage wants you to know that he's not thinking of a certain Fuhrer. No, he's thinking of -- wait for it -- King David.
"Somebody has to bring them all together, unite them like King David did the ancient tribes of Israel. And there is no King David out there. Who's the King David?"
Whew, that's a relief. You had me worried there for a second, Mr. Savage (real name: Michael Weiner).
So what we need is a new King David. A guy who could, um, kill a giant with a slingshot. That'll come in handy in case the US is invaded by giants.
But Savage kind of has a point. There is no popular figure that the disparate strands of modern conservatism (gun nuts, fetus worshippers, generic obese suburbanites, the super-rich...) can rally around.
It's telling that whenever the right loses an election, they immediately start blaming it on the fact that they don't have a Dear Leader that can sell their product. It never occurs to them that maybe people just don't like their product. They've convinced themselves that the only way Obama has won two elections is by stunning the electorate with his superhuman charisma, and so the only way they can combat him is by finding someone with equal but opposite charisma.
But Obama didn't win because of his charisma. The right talk about him like he's Michael Jackson and JFK and Jesus rolled into one, but people voted for him because he seemed better than John McCain or Mitt Romney, which is not an unreasonable position to take.