by Miles Leicher
Things are a little tense around the office today. You see, head writer Billy Martin is a Steelers fan and things didn't quite go his way on Sunday. As if that wasn't bad enough, he pitched a joke this morning and it was intercepted by the Packers. Just kidding, Billy. As Michael Vick would (hopefully) say, I don't have a dog in this fight.
Also, please don't fire me.
Ah, the Super Bowl: a special day where America can turn to an economically and socially fragile world and say, "Not now...we're busy listening to Christina Aguilera f**k up our national anthem." It's also a time for corporations to show us how funny they are, usually by hitting somebody in the nuts with a Pepsi can. They're generous, too: when Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers got the MVP, Chevrolet gave him a brand-new Camaro – though you wouldn't have guessed it by looking at him. It's the one show on TV where somebody wins a car and doesn't run around screaming and pulling their hair out. I can only imagine what was going through Rodgers's head at that moment: "Oh neat, a new Chevy. Park it between the Bentley and the Rolls, but make sure you leave room for the Porsche to get out." How many times does this have to happen before General Motors realizes it isn't Oprah? For one thing, Oprah has money.
Just over a year ago, the U.S. government gave GM a $50 billion bailout. Remember that? A 100-year-old Reagan wouldn't forget about that kind of money. Especially since, so far, we've only gotten $23 billion back. Happy Birthday, Ronnie.
The government still owns about 27% of the company, but the Congressional Oversight Panel says we're unlikely to recoup our full investment. I'm trying to think of the proper analogy to use for this situation. I guess it's like when you lend a friend some money and then he uses it to give free Camaros to millionaires. Because it would be rude not to.