By Bill Maher
Donald Trump is demanding that all congressional investigations stop, because investigations aren’t allowed to be biased, and Congress is biased, or they wouldn’t be investigating Donald Trump.
Call it Trump-22: You can’t investigate Donald Trump if you’re his enemy, because an enemy’s not impartial. And anyone who investigates Donald Trump becomes his enemy. So the only people who can investigate Trump are his friends. But a friend wouldn’t investigate you. If he did, he would reveal himself as an enemy, and enemies aren’t allowed to investigate. So you’re allowed to investigate Donald Trump in theory, but once you do you’re not.
This is close cousin to Barr-22: The Attorney General gets to decide if the president is exonerated or if you’ve found enough evidence to indict him. But there’s no such thing as enough evidence to indict a president, so whatever you’ve found isn’t enough and the president is exonerated.