By Bill Maher
Republican governors in Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, and Ohio have recently signed legislation banning abortions as early as six weeks into pregnancy and other red states are goading the Supreme Court with similarly restrictive bans. But Alabama has eliminated counting altogether: life begins at conception. Period. (And by that I mean “no period.”) Fertilized eggs are people. You have to admire that for its simplicity, if nothing else.
It’s like these states are having a contest for who’s simpler. But I don’t think it goes far enough. I say eggs are people before implantation. Why stop at protecting the “pre-born”? We need to protect the “pre-conceived.” And we need to recognize that a human woman is born with millions of eggs that her body then mercilessly kills over time. Basically, the female body is a machine for killing babies. By puberty, she’s down to 300,000 innocent, defenseless pre-lives. Then she kills a thousand a month, like John Wick, until she’s out, like United Airlines running out of the fish. All those beautiful lives, snuffed out. That’s why I say all women should be imprisoned at birth, or maybe executed, before their reign of murder can begin.
Oh, and if eggs are life, and voting-age women have 300,000 eggs, every woman should have 300,000 votes. You can’t argue with science.