Melania Is Not Your Friend

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By Bill Maher

I feel bad for Melania Trump. I wouldn’t make a lab animal live her life and Dante would go, “Mama Mia, you can’t-a make this stuff up,” but I still think liberals have to drop the fantasy that she’s secretly one of us. Princess Di was miserable, too. The queen once saw her throw herself down the stairs. She stabbed herself with a fork. But that didn’t make her an anti-monarchist. She just knew her husband thought she was an idiot and he was cheating on her.  (At least it wasn’t a British version of a porn star – Drizzly Daniels.) Melania isn’t your friend.

In 2011, Melania appeared on the Joy Behar Show. Joy asked her about Donald and the birth certificate, and she said: “It’s not only Donald who wants to see it. It’s American people who voted for him and who didn’t vote for him. They want to see that.” 

You gotta give her this: to call someone un-American in broken English takes balls the size of the Carpathian Mountains. Behar pointed out that Obama had released his birth certificate, but Melania wasn’t buying it. Because she’s from the “show me” state, you know, Slovenia. Melania: “Well, it’s not him that is bringing up. It’s the media all the time, all the time.” See, Trump has to say Obama’s a spy, he saw it on TV. 

And let’s not forget 2016, when she was asked about the sixteen women who accused her husband of sexual harassment, since sixteen is kind of a lot: “My husband is kind, and he’s a gentleman, and he would never do that… Everything was organized and put together to hurt him, to hurt his candidacy.”

She might not have asked for a life of perpetual shame, but she did spread one strain of the disease that’s eating our Republic: Everything bad you’ve heard about Donald Trump is a lie spread by enemies, and the more witnesses say something about Trump – like sixteen for example – the more that proves just how vast the conspiracy is.

She made her bed. I’m sorry there’s pee in it.