I Thought Buddhism Was About Being Chill

By Bill Maher

In Sri Lanka, a hardline Buddhist group has taken to assaulting Christian missionaries, and in Myanmar, Buddhists are attacking the Muslim minority. I thought Buddhists were supposed to be above all that. You’d think we could have at least one religion on this planet that doesn’t feel threatened by other religions.

I think the solution is to take all the actual religious stuff out of religion but keep the rest – the clothing, the dietary laws, the songs – the harmless stuff. You can still belong to a fun club with your own secret handshake, but there’s no reason to hate your neighbor’s club. 

When you go to Whole Foods you don’t see the vegans and the meat-eaters getting into pitched battles in the condiment aisle. That’s because their dietary laws are divorced from religion.

That’s why it’s a shame that the Freemasons and all those other goofy secret clubs are a thing of the past. They were basically churches without the Jesus part, which is why the Vatican has condemned them even as late as the 1980s, long after anybody cared.

Did Ralph Kramden ever go to church? No, because he didn’t need to. He had the Raccoon Lodge.