Rick Perry Has a Thought, Chris Christie Has a Secret

By Bill Maher

Rick Perry doesn’t know what to do about the humanitarian crisis with the border kids, but he knows Obama is "in on this somehow."

Why is Obama doing it? This is a mystery to Rick Perry, like escalators and “where do lemons come from.” But Perry told ABC’s This Week:

"I have to believe that when you do not respond in any way, that you are either inept, or you have some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from."

“Some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from.” Hard to believe this man holds a BS in animal science from Texas A&M. But that’s how it is, in this ever-changing world in which we live in.

See, Obama wants the borders flooded with impoverished paupers with swine flu. It’s part of his plan. Nothing can happen that Obama doesn’t want to have happen, including stuff that makes him look bad and loses him elections. That’s how devilishly clever it is. He’s playing the long game.

Rick Perry is a truly gifted natural born fool. Ted Cruz would have to take classes to act as stupid as Rick Perry is.

The flipside of Rick Perry sharing his thought is Chris Christie, who looks at questions like he looks at Splenda. (“What is this shit? Are you insulting me? Do you want a punch in the mouth?”)  

Here’s Chris Christie on CNBC’s Squawk Box discussing the recent Hobby Lobby ruling:

"Who knows? The fact is that when you're an executive, your Supreme Court makes a ruling and you've got to live with it unless you can get the legislative body to change the law or change the Constitution. The point is: Why should I give an opinion as to whether they were right or wrong? At the end of the day, they did what they did. That's now the law of the land."

Not only will Chris Christie not tell you what he thinks, he’s proud of himself for slipping out of your trap.

"And if I allow people to put me into that box? Then shame on me; I'm not a good politician, I'm not a good leader."

We’re forbidden to know Chris Christie’s opinions. We get to vote for him based on his boyish charm.