By Bill Maher
Marco Rubio says he's ready to be president but not quite ready to agree with the notion of man-made climate change. This raises two questions: will the GOP choose a card-carrying climate change denier as their 2016 presidential nominee, and why is it that the people who represent the places that are most vulnerable to climate change are the biggest climate change deniers?
This month's National Climate Assessment said climate change is not on its way, it's here. It also named Miami as one of the nation's most vulnerable spots for climate change, where sea levels are projected to rise one to four feet by the end of the century. But Marco Rubio's okay with that. He doesn't care that, before long, Florida retirees will have walk-in bathtubs in their houses whether they want them or not.
Ted Cruz is another rising climate denier and GOP presidential contender and his home state is suffering such a drought that Texans have decided to start drinking out of the toilet. H2OMG! The drought stricken town of Wichita, Texas is planning to start recycling wastewater into drinking water to avoid completely running out of H2O in the next two years. So now Wichita residents will flush, the water will go through a recently constructed 13-mile pipeline to a purification plant, and then half the water would ultimately come back out of residents' taps. What could possibly go wrong?
Sounds gross, but I'm sure we'll all get used to it. I don't know how long before the Earth turns into a bad Kevin Costner movie, but clean water will be the first thing to go. In fact, it's already going. Pretty soon we'll all be drinking out of the toilet like dogs.
So get used to saying things like, "Gimme a scotch with a splash of toilet water." And hearing things like, "Would you like flat or sparkling wastewater?" And get ready for new drinks like, "Flushweiser Beer" and, of course, "Mountain Ewww."