How to Stump a Republican

By Bill Maher

Republicans all know that Russia took over Crimea because Obama was weak. If it weren't for all that bowing to foreign leaders and troop withdrawal and not starting all of those wars he totally could have started, Vladimir Putin would have kept to his usual hobby: thinking up clever ways to poison journalists and make their hair fall out. 

It's a fun, simple world to live in, where you can take complicated world events, born out of decades of history and politics, and reach the same self-serving conclusion for each one: Obama did it. And it was all so predictable. 

Yes, who would have thought John McCain would declare that Obama was feckless and weak and that America had to do more? Who would have thought the Republican Party would repeat the "Obama is weak" mantra over and over again, and claim that we need to do more? Or that America should be controlling this situation because America is the father and the rest of the nations on the planet our out-of-control children who often need to be grounded, or sometimes spanked?

Well, try this game, because it's illuminating and fun to play: Just ask a Republican to tell you, if the President is doing everything so wrong, what do they think Obama should be doing? You know, specifically. Is there some sort of military option you're suggesting? Probably not. Would you like economic sanctions? Well, he's doing that. Would you like him to rally the world against what Putin is doing? He's doing that, too. So what is it exactly that you think the President should be doing that he's not doing? Tell us. Go on the record. 

The answer you're likely to get is: nothing. They have no idea what else we can do. Because there isn't much else we can do. I know that doesn't sit well when you imagine we're the father and one of our children is not obeying our every command. But that's a, well, childish way to look at the world. 

So let's just admit it, Republicans: You don't actually think Obama is doing anything substantively wrong here. You just wish he'd talk to the Russians more like John Wayne.