Republicans Are the Nation’s Biggest Starf**kers

By Bill Maher

A lot of fuss was made over the Republican candidate for governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, singing the praises of Ted Nugent and campaigning with him. That caused the professional apology industry to go into high gear. "We will not talk about anything else until Ted Nugent apologizes for calling Obama a 'subhuman mongrel!'" And we didn't. Ted Nugent was acting like Ted Nugent and we wouldn't move on until Ted Nugent momentarily pretended he wasn't Ted Nugent. Thank god that's over, and Ted is now campaigning for Gabby Giffords and performing with Ladysmith Black Mambazo. 

Personally, I happen to like when racist nuts use the rhetoric of white supremacy - yes, actually saying that mixed race people are less than human! - and then when you call them on it they accuse you of "playing the race card." 

But what it made me think about even more is that boy, do Republicans love celebrity. For all the time they waste bitching about liberal Hollywood and our cesspool, and writing books called "Shut Up & Sing," they're really just upset because they don't have many celebrities of their own. 

Oh, they have some, like Ted and Jon Voight, or Fred Thompson, or Chuck Norris. Dennis Miller, Wayne Newton, Kelsey Grammar, Victoria Jackson, Robert Duvall, Craig T. Nelson, Tom Selleck, and Ronald Reagan. And now Sarah Palin. But they're really outnumbered on the celebrity front. 

What happens then is the same thing that happens with minorities in the Republican Party - they get elevated to the top immediately, whether or not they're ready. It's why Herman Cain was leading in the Republican primaries for a short time. Because it was like, "Look! We got one! And we're going to make him president!" And why Victoria Jackson gets to speak at rallies on the Mall when she's not drooling and rocking back and forth at the home.

They don't have many, so the ones that they do have are instantly put on Fox, brought around the campaign bus, or allowed to speak extemporaneously at the convention like Clint Eastwood did. So they should just admit that they don't hate Hollywood or celebrities - they just hate liberals.