How to Make a Scandal Die

By Bill Maher

Benghazi wasn't about ignoring too many threats and not providing enough security at our embassy. It was a White House cover-up where Obama's minions - or Obama himself! - ordered that the military stand down and let those people die, and then ordered that the talking points about Benghazi be changed to deny any involvement by Al Qaeda in an election year. Connect  the dots, people!

The IRS scandal wasn't about some possibly clumsy targeting of conservative groups by IRS officials. It was done on orders from the Obama White House - or Obama himself! - to slow-walk and handcuff conservative groups that they - or he! - knew could turn the tide of the election in Mitt Romney's favor. Stop being so naïve, libtard! 

Fast and Furious wasn't about a poorly conceived program to track how gunrunners move their hardware, it was a carefully conceived program designed by the Obama White House - or Obama himself! - to undermine the 2nd Amendment with the long range goal of having Eric Holder confiscate all of your guns. ...Or have they gotten to you too? You're one of them, aren't you?

Yes, this is what Republicans do with all of their "scandals." They overplay their hand. And then eat it. They're so convinced that President Obama is pure malevolence in human form, and that liberals think about politics the way Whitey Bulger thought about racketeering, that they imagine the most dastardly scheme imaginable and then work backwards from that. 

Democrats are licking their chops at the prospect that at some point the pressure is going to get to Chris Christie and he's going to rear back in full Nicholson mode and scream, "You're goddamn right I order those two lanes closed!!" But for the most part, they're also waiting for, you know, actual evidence that he had something to do with it. 

Is this not yet another measure of the health (or lack thereof) of the Republican Party? If this were Hilary Clinton's bridge scandal instead of Chris Christie's, just imagine what the going theory on the right would be. It'd be that Hillary personally ordered the lanes closed to cause enough traffic so that ambulances couldn't reach the home of her lesbian mistress that Bill Clinton had just killed. ...Or have they gotten to you, too?