By Bill Maher
Oprah's OWN channel has a reality show that I never wanted to know about called "Golden Sisters." It chronicles the life of three sisters in their 70s and 80s who made news recently when one of them said that if Justin Bieber were Mexican he would have been deported in a minute. And she's got a point.
If Justin Bieber were Jesus Biebero, a douche-y Hispanic sporting a backward sombrero, he would have been sent back to Mexico after he took a leak in that janitor's mop bucket. If Justin Bieber's gardeners were caught throwing eggs at the house next door they'd be handcuffed to a bus seat on their way back to Guadalajara.
The lesson here is that if you're going to mess with the US, do it at the white border and not the brown border. And it never hurts to be rich and famous. In 2012, US Immigration and Customs Enforcement "removed" nearly 410,000 individuals who were in the country illegally. In US criminal court everyone is guaranteed legal counsel, whether they can afford it or not. In immigration court, approximately 84 percent of detainees do not have legal representation. Plus, most illegal immigrants do not speak English, making the legal system all the more a kangaroo court. This also shows that the "Must Learn English" wing of the Republican Party may be shooting themselves in the foot. If more illegal immigrants knew English, more of them would be able to navigate immigration court and stay here.