Our Scandal Is Better Than Your Scandal

By Bill Maher

So now we know how the Republicans will push back on the Chris Christie scandal (even if it’s half-heartedly because of that one time Christie hugged Obama and cost us the glorious, eight-year reign of Mitt Romney): by saying “Bridgegate” is not nearly as bad as Benghazi. Or the IRS scandal. Or, if you’re really deranged, the birth certificate, the New Black Panthers, Fast and Furious, Solyndra, Pigford, anything Eric Holder ever did and that time Kathleen Sebelius violated the Hatch Act.

And liberals will counter those conservative claims the way they always do: by tilting their heads and saying, “What the hell is Pigford? What’s wrong with these people?”

Well, enjoy it, folks. Or at least get used to it. This is the new norm. In the absence of actual governing or an urge to tackle the problems facing the nation, even just a little bit, this is what we’ve got left to yell at each other about. This is our future. There are no bills to debate over, which is how we’d normally yell at each other. There is no national conversation happening because, well, what’s the point? It’s not going to result in something passing both houses of Congress and signed by the president. Even if Democrats pushed through a measure honoring the flush toilet for its 150 years of service to public health, Republicans would say they’re just trying to distract Americans from the botched rollout of Obamacare. Also Benghazi.

But look, we still hate each other. We have to flip each other off somehow. So, we’ll have a scandal battle until the infrastructure crumbles from inattention. It’s sort of like how in a marriage you don’t yell at each other about the stuff that’s really making you unhappy – the big issues you can’t resolve. You yell at each other over who left the cap off the orange juice.

So do I want to see where this Christie scandal goes, if anywhere? Sure, I guess. But it’s really just the latest in long line of examples of scandal taking the place of business and discourse. We simply have nothing else to talk about.