The Peacenik Party

By Bill Maher

New Rule: No more white presidents.

Remember about ten minutes ago, when every Republican would call you a cheese-eating surrender monkey if you didn't threaten to nuke everybody who looked at us the wrong way? Those days are over.

The three leading Republican presidential contenders in the senate -- Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz -- are all vociferously anti-war now. And according to the latest whip count in the House of Representatives, only 8 Republicans supported a strike on Syria, 178 were against it or leaning against it and 34 were undecided. Which is amazing, because the resolution on the table was for very limited military action, and specifically prohibited long-term involvement or boots on the ground. If a president can't indiscriminately lob a few bombs into a country on his own every once in a while, what else can't he do? We may as well eliminate the position entirely.

This may be Obama's greatest accomplishment: he's turned the Republican Party into the Peacenik Party. John McCain is so lonely, he just bought a blow-up doll who blows things up.

Now, I think the Republicans will go back to being the "bomb first, ask questions later" party, but not while the commander-in-chief is a black guy. Which is why, from now on, we should only elect black guys. It doesn't matter who, really. Urkel can be our next president. But it may be the one thing that keeps Americans away from our two century long addiction to war.