Oral Robbers

By Bill Maher

Virginia's Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli is running for governor, and he intends to revive Virginia's wonderful old "Crimes Against Nature" law, which made oral and anal sex between anyone -- even a married couple -- a felony that carries a one-year prison sentence. You might have heard his campaign slogan, "Virginia Is for Really Boring Lovers." If enacted worldwide, experts estimate it would be at least three hundred years before Michael Douglas is eligible for parole.

Cuccinelli says it doesn't do this, but he won't rewrite it to say it doesn't.  So he's not just Rick Santorum-style twisto, he's also stubborn. Which is ironic; he's against anal sex, and he's a stick in the mud.

Cuccinelli claims that a recent US Court of Appeals decision that struck down Virginia's sodomy law now "threatens to undo convictions of child predators that were obtained under this law." See? He's just trying to prevent child abuse!

But he's not. The court that struck down the law said that Virginia could pass another law to criminalize sexual acts between a minor and an adult.  But Cuccinelli (who sailed to the GOP nomination unopposed) wants to bring back the old law because he likes it.

In 2004, he blocked a bipartisan effort to fix the law so it would only apply to minors and rape. And he said, "My view is that homosexual acts--not homosexuality, but homosexual acts--are wrong. They're intrinsically wrong. And I think in a natural law-based country it's appropriate to have policies that reflect that...They don't comport with natural law."

But being anti-gay is no longer socially respectable, so the talking points of anti-gay politicians are starting to sound increasingly strange. It's a great joy to watch them tie themselves in knots trying to be anti-gay while not actually sounding anti-gay. In a recent debate, Cuccinelli said his "personal beliefs about the personal challenge of homosexuality haven't changed." What? "Personal challenge of homosexuality?" What's he talking about? Abs?

I think voters should realize something important: These issues are never settled. It's like birth control and abortion and fire codes and the minimum wage and drinking beer: You think you've won these rights, but you haven't. They're never going to stop trying to take them away.

You have to vote for your right to party.