Haute Closure

By Bill Maher

Obamacare is mandatory spending, so it gets funded no matter what. That's one of the stupidest things about this mess -- Republicans took the wrong hostage. It's like somebody calling you and threatening, "I've got your kid, and I'm gonna put a bullet in her unless you give me a million dollars." And you're like, "No, my daughter's right here. You must have the neighbor's kid. Go ahead and shoot her, I don't care."

I'd like to see the Obama administration find a way to start shutting down all the things Republicans like. They say they hate government, but they love defense contractors, oil and farm subsidies, military bases in conservative districts and border security. Experts say officers on our borders will stay there, but why? What if we said, "Nope, come on in, Mexico. Door's open." How long could these idiots put up with that?

Or what about Afghanistan? Why not leave a little early? We're still spending about $100 billion a year there. And cutting it short would have the added benefit of reminding people that we're still actually there.