Power Outrage

By Bill Maher

Our stupid media managed to become so obsessed with Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelly that they completely forgot about another woman who caused even more damage: Sandy. As in Hurricane Sandy. 

Thousands of people were without power for weeks, many are still displaced and criticism has been leveled at FEMA and the Red Cross. I'm not saying it was as bad as Katrina, but it was pretty bad, and people are starting to say that President Obama just doesn't care about white people. 

The New York City subway was back to 80 percent normal operation just a week after the hurricane hit, thanks to incredible dedication and hard work of the transit workers. Or as the Republicans call them, those lazy public union employees who sit around doing nothing, so we should cut their pension.

Meanwhile, the utility companies couldn't seem to get their shit together. Partly because they're just like any other corporation, trying to maximize profits by cutting corners. Which is OK when you make a toaster or a vibrator, because when those things fail nobody gets hurt. They just don't get toast or an orgasm. 

Look, it's fun when the power goes out for a couple of hours. You can make a baby, you can loot a Best Buy; it's party time. But when the power's out for more than a day, Americans start to freak out. We can't survive without electricity anymore. We're like a fish that's jumped out of the aquarium and is flopping around on the counter. If we don't have access to heat and light and WiFi, we go crazy. I'm just surprised New Yorkers didn't turn to cannibalism. Especially after reading the review of Guy Fieri's new restaurant.

New York City's grid dates to the early 20th Century. People are plugged into power lines put up by Nucky Thompson. 

Because of our old grid, Americans in the northeast lose power an average of 214 minutes a year, versus just 53 minutes a year for the French. And the French don't care; they just open a bottle of wine and sing Edith Piaf songs. 

What we need to do is bury the power lines, modernize the equipment, and decentralize the grid, so when one transformer goes out or one power plant goes offline it doesn't take out the power for the entire tri-state area.