Writers Meeting Minutes

by Miles Leicher

1PM: Meeting called to order.

1. Agenda item: Haiti

Huge amounts of pledge money – promised both by individuals and states – has not actually been delivered to Haiti.  They need rubble cleared from the streets, but people only want their money to go to something sexy, like building schools.

Brian: "I know... I'm just waiting to put in one of those oxygen bars."

2. Agenda Item: Libya, Oh Libya

The United States has yet to get militarily involved.
Adam: "The U.S. has a very good opportunity not to f**k this up right now."
Bill: "Could you imagine if we actually sent Marines to the shores of Tripoli? It would be a Republican's wet dream..."

Muammar Gaddafi's fashion is whack.
Sheila: "It's hard to take Gaddafi seriously as the leader of a country with that 'Snoopy hat' he's been wearing."
Billy: "It looks like he could have some kind of Kevlar lining in it."
Brian: "I don't know, 'Thinsulate,' maybe."

3. Agenda Item: 2 Girls, 1 Cup

Bill is blissfully unaware of the internet video "2 Girls, 1 Cup."
Bill: "I don't know what this whole 'Two Girls, One Cup' thing is that you guys keep mentioning."
Miles: "You don't want to."
Chris: "It's scat. And not the Ella Fitzgerald kind."

4. Agenda Item: Charlie Sheen

Sheen went on The Today Show and demanded to be paid $3 million per episode of Two and a Half Men.
Bill: "Because when you're only making 1.8 mil a week, who could save?!"
Billy: "You're thinking of a 52-week year, Bill. Charlie is only working about 26 of them."
Adam: "Plus, 2-year-olds outgrow their clothes pretty fast."
Billy: "And do you have any idea how much is costs to crash your car in a ravine every week? The price of gas alone will kill you!"
Bill: "Not to mention his two girlfriends. One goddess is enough for me."

Tragedy strikes as Bill's head, after trying to process Charlie Sheen with a 'normal brain,' explodes.