by Miles Leicher
Let me guess... you turned on HBO expecting a new episode of Real Time with Bill Maher and 45 minutes later realized you'd been watching Stuart Little 2. Trust me when I say it happens more than you'd think.
I'm not going to lie to you and say that it won't happen again, but I can assure you that we're back and working hard to bring you the greatest episode of Real Time the world has ever known. We had just enough of a break for me to see about a dozen movies (all of which were Justin Bieber: Never Say Never), for the writers to find more New Rule-worthy annoyances to gripe about and for Bill to go on a cross-town rescue mission with his feline sidekick, Snowbell. No, wait, that's Stuart Little 2 again. Ugh... it gets in your head and just stays there.
As great and necessary as it is to take a week off, it can be frustrating when the rest of the world doesn't do the same. For instance, Libya, Wisconsin and Charlie Sheen all must have missed the memo not to rock the boat until we’re back on the air. Come on guys, keep it together!
The same goes for Rolling Stone, which ran an article detailing attempts by military personnel to target visiting members of the U.S. Senate with "psychological operations" intended to manipulate their support for the war in Afghanistan. In fact, that George Clooney movie, The Men Who Stare at Goats, was based on their interactions with Joe Lieberman. I'm just assuming.
The article is very interesting, but it neglects to point out that there have always been people dedicated to making sure Congress gives endless boatloads of cash to the military. They're called Senators. What's next? Brainwashing Lady Gaga to act weird and slutty?
Most recently, the House of Representatives voted to cut off funding for an alternative engine for the F-35 fighter jet, but there are a bevy of Senators from both parties who want to keep it around. It's an unwanted addition to the costliest weapons program in U.S. history, but we still have a hard time letting it go. And the fact that it's the costliest weapons program is no small feat – they're all ridiculously expensive. It's like saying Sunday's broadcast of the Oscars was the worst awards ceremony ever, when everybody knows they always sort of suck. Except for when Billy Crystal gets involved. I say we put him in the Senate and see what happens.